It has only been two years since I lost Gabriel at 24 years of age and three years since I lost my baby boy Josiah at 17 years of age. Sometimes it feels like yesterday. A lot of the time grief is so painful. We ask ourselves "how will I ever survive?". Doesn't stupid death know that we are supposed to die before our children? It makes no sense. I hate you death. But you don't scare me. Why? Because Jesus conquered death when he died on the cross for us so we may live forever with our children and loved ones. The bible says you just have to believe Jesus is the son of God, ask him to forgive you of your sins and ask him to live in your heart forever. It's that easy. If you sin again, (don't keep sinning on purpose silly) you ask him to forgive you again. The bible tells us about the apostle Paul and how he said he had to die daily. He didn't mean physically. He meant spiritually. He said he had to ask forgiveness daily. Did he mean he committed huge sins daily? No, he meant he even ask God to forgive him when he offended someone or had evil thoughts. He knew Jesus already died for our sins and he had Jesus in his heart. How cool is that?
You're praying and asking God to help you bear this heavy load of pain. While your praying, you're thinking "God really doesn't understand this huge hole in my heart". Guess what? He does. He lost his only son. He watched his only child being beaten and nailed to a cross. Jesus died for us and we will live again forever and ever with our children. The bible says this life we now live is a vapor, a puff of smoke compared to eternity. I have to ask again, how cool is that?
In the book of Revelations, the last book in the bible, it describes Heaven. I encourage you to read it. When I lost Josiah so many people bought me books to help comfort me. But only one book was like ointment to my wounds. It helped with the healing of my loss. It was "Within Heavens Gates" by Rebecca Springer.
"She clings to the hand of God to keep from going wild, while in his presence comes to know his other hand holds her child" quote from an Angel Mom
The book is about a lady that had a vision or dream of Heaven while she was dying. I would close my eyes and try to imagine what she would describe. I wanted to know everything about the place my boys now lived. If your child was a missionary to a foreign country and couldn't have contact with you while they were there you would get every book you could get your hands on that would tell you about the place your child now lived. Why? Because it would comfort you and help you feel close to them. Read this book. It takes you away from your pain for the moment and helps you visualize Heaven. It is so cool.
Another way that helps us to cope with the deaths of our children is "Journaling". You can just write your feelings down or you can do like I did and write your child a letter and tell them all about how you are feeling at the moment and how very much you miss them. I've stained some of my journals with tears.
The healing process is a very long one, but together we can make it. You really believe that there hasn't been any progress and you don't think there ever will be. But believe me when I tell you that one day you will look backwards and come to know that you have taken steps forward. The other day I surprised myself when I walked outside and felt the warmth of the sun, saw the spring flowers and said "what a beautiful day!". I was shockedArticle Submission, then realized I had made progress and ran and told my husband Brad.