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Relationships (15)

“Dr. Fiore,” my 42 year old married patient (Mary) began, “once again
my family expects me to host Christmas dinner and I am simply too
exhausted; what should I do?”

Breaking up with your lover, partner or spouse is a major event in your life. The consequences are not much different than losing a loved one through death. A relationship breakup is a death of sorts, the death of possibilities, a future together and plans that were spun around during your better days together.

What is it about Grief & Loss that upsets us so much? Is it the heavy duty emoting that we have to do to get through our suffering? Is it the fear we have about opening ourselves to all this pain? Because, let's face it, it's hard down there, in the land of grieving where all those emotions toss us around like a cork on a stormy sea.

Have you ever had a strong desire to have sex with someone other than your partner, and didn't know what to do with it? Maybe you've had an affair, but are scared to tell your partner, or you think s/he is better off not knowing. Maybe s/he already knows, and it's blown up in an ugly mess. You don't want to lose your relationship, and you don't want to feel stuck in this place either.

Note: Ideally, these guidelines work best when both partners follow them; however, a change in one partner's way of responding often encourages a change in the other partner.

Relationships bring out the best and the worst in us. Here are some ways to bring out the best in yours:

1. Focus on yourself.
Do things to increase your self-awareness, like how you behave in relationships. It can help to stay aware of patterns, reactions, feelings, beliefs, and triggers (from your childhood and previous relationships) that arise in your relationship. It is often true that how you feel may have little to do with your partner, and is more about you and your past experiences.

 

One of the hardest things to handle in a relationship is conflict. While a good and fair fight can clear the air and help you to feel closer to your lover, many fights are just hurtful and destructive. Fights that never go anywhere, that are repeated year after year, or that leave you feeling awful about yourself are not going to help
your relationship. Those are the kinds of fights we need to take another look at, and find out what is going on underneath. This is true for any conflict that doesn't feel right, not just those you have with your lover.

People Pleasing: Having Trouble Saying No?

Do you have trouble saying NO? Do you do things for other people but almost never ask anybody to do things for you? You may be a people pleaser.

 

Imagine someone holding a glass full of clean, fresh water and complaining about thirst. Likely you'd suggest they first take a sip from the glass in their hand.

Happiness is similar. Everyone wants to be happy, but not everyone knows how to recognize and stay with it; they're always looking for more. The search for happiness is lost when it becomes an insatiable pursuit for getting more.

Intense emotion can be overwhelming for all of us. And if you're just opening up to an emotion, it can feel very raw. No matter how experienced you are with your emotions, we all need help sometimes to know how to deal with them.

Learning to recognize and stay with our feelings is a valuable experience. We can learn that just because we feel something, we don't have to act on it. Or that we can be angry and choose how to respond rather than let the anger control us. The more we know how we feel and ways to feel, release, be with, or let go of our feelings, the better we feel about ourselves.

 

Intense emotion can be overwhelming for all of us. And if you're just opening up to an emotion, it can feel very raw. No matter how experienced you are with your emotions, we all need help sometimes to know how to deal with them.

Learning to recognize and stay with our feelings is a valuable experience. We can learn that just because we feel something, we don't have to act on it. Or that we can be angry and choose how to respond rather than let the anger control us. The more we know how we feel and ways to feel, release, be with, or let go of our feelings, the better we feel about ourselves.

 Domestic Violence is one of today's most common assault type crimes. It seems as if almost everyone either knows someone who was, or is a victim of domestic violence. Or, they either are, or were a victim themselves. There are a lot of myths associated with domestic violence that unfortunately are grossly misleading. In this article, I am going to address some of those myths and attempt to set the record straight. 

 The following is an interview looking at facts and myths about domestic violence: the gender factor, verbal emotional abuse, impact of domestic abuse on children, tips on getting help and more.

 

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